I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
