im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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