Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
