I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
