I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
