Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
