im holly from the hills drunk
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
