i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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