there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
