I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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