Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
