I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
