We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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