I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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