I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
