Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
