I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
