Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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