i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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