True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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