Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
