I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
