Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My hand turned me down
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
