so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
