Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
