The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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