Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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