i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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