Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
