if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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