oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
