Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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