Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
