U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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