That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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