Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
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