You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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