Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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