too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
