she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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