You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
