I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i need some magic done to my vagina
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
