and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
