The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
