I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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