To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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