conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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