don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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