I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
