I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize