That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
