Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
