I think my vagina is haunted
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
