If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
