why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
