miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
