Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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