So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
