He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
