I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
