a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My ass is underappreciated
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
