I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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