Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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