We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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