Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
