just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
