found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I looked at my own cervix.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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