how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
