Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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