This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
