was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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